Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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