Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
