Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
