she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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