I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
