Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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