you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
