Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
