i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
