so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Less talking, more tequila
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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