OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
