evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
