see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
