woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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