bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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