He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
