i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize