i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
