i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
