Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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