If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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