i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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