I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
