Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
