So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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