R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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