I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think your dad took our porno
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
