if you like me you must not know who I am
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
