I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
