He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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