Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
