the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize