fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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