this beer tastes like vomit already
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
