: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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