Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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