You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize