i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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