a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
