did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
