Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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