your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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