i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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