I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
