I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
