the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
