I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
