My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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