I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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