If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
