Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
