So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
