Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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