I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
