So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sex in a hospital.. check
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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