I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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