we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
