every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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