Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
