Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
