My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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