So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
