I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
