She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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