He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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