I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
