You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
