After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
