apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
