I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
