Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
